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Entry tags:
Avoiding
(First posted on Runaway Tales: Cheeseburger #7)
“You know the question’s gonna come up over dessert,” Kelly said.
Allyson pressed her back into the blanket draped over the futon in her sister’s house. “Right after the first piece of cheesecake, she’ll go, ‘So when are you going to have kids?’”
“Always the same question, from beginning until whenever it ends.”
“It doesn’t help that Jamie is coming with me. My first Thanksgiving with a boyfriend since four years ago, plus the fact I’m nearing my expiration date, which I never thought existed because the matter isn’t relevant…”
“I probably didn’t help much.” Kelly placed Eva in her bouncy chair, then sat down on the futon. “Now that Mom has one grandkid she’s becoming addicted.”
“Could it be Mom’s lonely again? Another grandchild would make up for that empty nest feeling she still hasn’t gotten over.”
“How can she expect any theoretical empty space to get filled right away? I’m not going to work on giving Eva a sibling anytime soon.”
“Maybe she can run interference for me tomorrow.”
Kelly tickled her daughter, which caused the baby to smile. “She becomes the center of attention, which distracts Mom from thoughts of potential grandkidlets.”
Allyson stared at her niece. “Work your best mind trick.”
Eva burbled.
“Does that mean ‘yes’?”
“That’s a ‘maybe’ noise.”
Allyson nodded. “Better than a definite ‘no’.”
“Don’t worry. She’ll bring the baby mojo.”
“Long enough to keep away from The Question?”
“Probably not.”
“Do you think Mom would lapse that far into embarrassment? I mean, right in front of a guest?”
“She’s never done it before.”
“But she has been getting…persistent…lately. Ever since me and Jamie started dating, she’s become way too interested in my uterus.”
“Because you’re the oldest, and were supposed to get first privilege in the reproduction sweepstakes.”
“I never bought a ticket.” Allyson frowned. “Couldn’t she tell when I neglected baby dolls?”
“You were so mean to plastic children.”
“I lack that nurturing gene. I can’t even take care of a pet.”
“It wasn’t your fault that lima bean plant died…you were only eight.”
“I killed it.”
“What does that mean in the grand scheme of anything?”
“I was never destined to raise children.”
“Certainly not, given your murderous past.”
“Some people know they aren’t having kids. It’s not a big deal.”
“Until certain people decide it’s a matter of life.”
“A matter of lifestyle that I would be responsible for, and not capable of undertaking.”
“Well, I know that, and Jamie knows it, and has no problem with it…” Kelly glanced at her sister. “You guys talked about it already?”
Allyson rolled her eyes. “Of course.”
“Okay, then you’ve got support from him. Maybe the both of you can deflect Mom’s breeding fever.”
“Or she might become more overly enthusiastic.”
“Because Jamie is nearly perfect.”
Allyson sighed. “Exactly.”
“You know the question’s gonna come up over dessert,” Kelly said.
Allyson pressed her back into the blanket draped over the futon in her sister’s house. “Right after the first piece of cheesecake, she’ll go, ‘So when are you going to have kids?’”
“Always the same question, from beginning until whenever it ends.”
“It doesn’t help that Jamie is coming with me. My first Thanksgiving with a boyfriend since four years ago, plus the fact I’m nearing my expiration date, which I never thought existed because the matter isn’t relevant…”
“I probably didn’t help much.” Kelly placed Eva in her bouncy chair, then sat down on the futon. “Now that Mom has one grandkid she’s becoming addicted.”
“Could it be Mom’s lonely again? Another grandchild would make up for that empty nest feeling she still hasn’t gotten over.”
“How can she expect any theoretical empty space to get filled right away? I’m not going to work on giving Eva a sibling anytime soon.”
“Maybe she can run interference for me tomorrow.”
Kelly tickled her daughter, which caused the baby to smile. “She becomes the center of attention, which distracts Mom from thoughts of potential grandkidlets.”
Allyson stared at her niece. “Work your best mind trick.”
Eva burbled.
“Does that mean ‘yes’?”
“That’s a ‘maybe’ noise.”
Allyson nodded. “Better than a definite ‘no’.”
“Don’t worry. She’ll bring the baby mojo.”
“Long enough to keep away from The Question?”
“Probably not.”
“Do you think Mom would lapse that far into embarrassment? I mean, right in front of a guest?”
“She’s never done it before.”
“But she has been getting…persistent…lately. Ever since me and Jamie started dating, she’s become way too interested in my uterus.”
“Because you’re the oldest, and were supposed to get first privilege in the reproduction sweepstakes.”
“I never bought a ticket.” Allyson frowned. “Couldn’t she tell when I neglected baby dolls?”
“You were so mean to plastic children.”
“I lack that nurturing gene. I can’t even take care of a pet.”
“It wasn’t your fault that lima bean plant died…you were only eight.”
“I killed it.”
“What does that mean in the grand scheme of anything?”
“I was never destined to raise children.”
“Certainly not, given your murderous past.”
“Some people know they aren’t having kids. It’s not a big deal.”
“Until certain people decide it’s a matter of life.”
“A matter of lifestyle that I would be responsible for, and not capable of undertaking.”
“Well, I know that, and Jamie knows it, and has no problem with it…” Kelly glanced at her sister. “You guys talked about it already?”
Allyson rolled her eyes. “Of course.”
“Okay, then you’ve got support from him. Maybe the both of you can deflect Mom’s breeding fever.”
“Or she might become more overly enthusiastic.”
“Because Jamie is nearly perfect.”
Allyson sighed. “Exactly.”